gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
