did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
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