weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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