she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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