Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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