theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
