Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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