What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
