That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
