I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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