the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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