oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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