You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
