I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
