I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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