In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
