He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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