she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
