watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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