I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
