It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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