all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize