I understand Curling. That high.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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