I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
