girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
