he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
