the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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