we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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