I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
