well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
