I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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