How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
