I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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