just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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