Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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