I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
