I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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