Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
