Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
