My pussy is not your playground.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
