I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
