Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
