i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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