i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
