No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
