based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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