i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
