I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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