you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
