I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
