as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
