My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
