According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Houston, we have a blender
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
