i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
