Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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