God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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