I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Duck Duck Cougar?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize