I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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