The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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