he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
