There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
