The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Life is so much better after having sex.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He shit in the fireplace
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
