dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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