so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
