She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
