I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
