it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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