It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
