just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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