I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
