Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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